![Bulletproof [USA] [DVD]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51LG6MAAAoL._SX300_SY300_QL70_ML2_.jpg)
Even through the blinkered haze of alcohol and Doritos, this 1988 actioner from veteran helmer Steve Carver ('Lone Wolf McQuade' and 'An Eye for an Eye') and starring everyone's favourite eccentric 'Big brother' winner Sir Gary of the Busey still cannot manage to reach the dizzy heights of its rather entertaining trailer. Even the inclusion of Busey's wonderful delivery of that endearing term ''Butt-horn!'' sadly cannot manage to take the middling screenplay above anything more than pre-school, cowboys 'n indians guff...
When a top-secret, state of the art (read: it has light flashy buttons) tank called 'Thunderblast' falls into the hands of generic terrorist types who have tea-leafed off with it across the Mexican border ('80s villains for hire Henry Silva and Juan Fernández), they didn't count on the US government sending in their best man. Sadly, he wasn't available, so they settled on Frank McBain (The Busey). Nicknamed 'Bulletproof' (‘cause he simply cannot be killed), McBain is one of those retired 'best in the business' types who now lives his life sleeping with swim-suit models, cranking out sweet tunes on his saxophone and blowing away bad guys in stonewashed jeans whilst mugging at the camera like an overeager chimp. However, when he discovers his long lost love Shepherd (Darlene Fluegel) has been captured by those canny terrorists, he immediately connects to his inner ‘Commando’ embarking on a rescue mission to single handedly take on a whole army and bring her back alive…
This movie, although entertaining in places is upon closer inspection - rubbish. The Busey (then fresh from his stint in ‘Lethal Weapon’) is obviously aware of how much tosh this is and coasts through the role - which can only explain his disconnected performance. At times, it was like he didn’t know which movie he was actually in and only when he muttered his favourite insult 'Butt-Horn' did I twig that he was back in the room… The screenplay by T.L. Lankford, B.J. Goldman and schlock-meister extraordinaire Fred Olen Ray (working his way through that late ‘80s production deal with Cinatel Films like a boss) is a mixed bag of recycled ideas and I couldn’t shake the feeling this was initially intended for the likes of a Seagal/Schwarzenegger type but as the budget couldn't stretch to even the catering on one of theirs, its afforded to our man Busey. Luckily, co-star Fluegel actually keeps the movie afloat and if honest is the better action star - even in her most dire moments, she remains stoic and saves the day on more than one occasion - whereas ‘ol Bulletproof just shoots anything in sight whilst sporting a goofy grin more akin to the blank stare of a wayward teen who’s just seen a naked lady for the first time. In the background, genre stalwarts L.Q. Jones, William Smith, R.J. Armstrong, Danny Trejo (in the film’s best sequence… and possibly movie history’s) and the aforementioned Silva and Fernández hold up the rear admirably, but the limp screenplay, lacklustre direction from a slumming Carver and meandering pace hamper this one from becoming a breakout, long lost gem… which is a shame, as it sports the hallmarks of what could have been a no budget, stone cold classic: Its got the right level of goofy charm and the cast are better than this kind of thing normally deserves - but in all honesty, following a bona fide opening everything quickly turns into tedium and only small bouts of strangeness (Read: Busey playing the sax. Busey preforming surgery on himself) keep this one afloat long enough to cross the finishing line.
Pegasus’s UK DVD release is a cheap, movie only affair with a transfer only its mother would love. Sure, the audio is fine but it sports a washed out, blank looking sheen with less than vibrant colour balancing with little to no extra features (what no Busey retrospective?). All in all, this one could have been better - but at least its good for a few laughs and we do have an amazing catchphrase rivalling the very best of Schwarzenegger/Stallone which I must admit have been trying to get into everyday conversation but sad to report have thus far failed. What a butt-horn.
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