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Revisado en España 🇪🇸 el 1 de noviembre de 2021
This book completely wrecked me!
I did not go into this book blindly.. I had seen some tik tok's about it and I knew this was a story of abuse and so, when I saw people saying they didn't like Ryle I immediately put 2 and 2 together and figured it out the reason why.
That being said, I wish I had gone blindly into this book because I would like to see if I would fall in love with Ryle just like many people did. The truth is that I didn't like him at all right from the beginning. I want to believe that I would still feel the same way if I didn't find out previously about him because his actions are what made me dislike him so much.
Right when they first meet, he kicks a chair over and over and that for me was red flag number 1.. also the fact that he was getting high that night and then the second time they met he was drunk, did not shine a good light on him.
The there's also the fact that he tells straight away that he doesn't want a relationship and is only looking for a one night stand but then ends up pressuring her and manipulating her into having sex with him. He begs her for it because he says he can't concentrate at his job so he just wants to get it over with so that he can get her out of his head.
Did not like that at all and definitely did not like how she just gave in and basically gave him what he wanted.
As the story progresses, we start to see little things here and there that makes us, or at least made me, see why she loved him.
The first incident where he pushed her and hurt her was heartbreaking and I got so sad because she forgave him. Even after seeing her father do that to her mother, she still forgave him.
And it's hard to read because as a bystander I just wanted to help Lily and tell her that she didn't have to forgive him and that she deserved better than that. But that's how the story goes.. She forgave him and told him that if he ever did that again that she would know it wasn't an accident and she would leave him!
But she didn't.
As she gets to know him, she starts falling for him and it gets harder and harder to leave. Even when he pushes her down the stairs or pulls her hair with the intent to hurt, she can't just leave because by that point she loves that man. Her heart makes excuses for him and she forgives him again and again.
Even after almost being raped, leaving him and being mad at him, she can't help but want to be with him even though she knows it's not right.
Eventually when she does leave him she decides to tell her mother what happened and there's this thing that her mother said to her that moved me.. she said "I know you believe he loves you, and I'm sure he does. But he's not loving you the right way. He doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved."
I was never in this situation so I can't speak from experience but now I understand the women who stay.. It's not because they like being slapped or punched or beat up. It's because they love that person with their whole heart! And even if he doesn't know how to love her the right way, she does!
Until the bad moments outbalance the good ones, they can't leave, because how do you leave your person, the person you love with you whole heart?
I guess you have to learn to love yourself more!
The author's note was even more heart breaking than the entire book. Colleen tells us a little bit about her and her mother's experience with domestic abuse.
She says a lot of things that made me sob but I'm going to leave two that really touched me.
She says "My father regretted the way he treated my mother his entire life. Mistreating her was the worst mistake he had ever made and he said he would grow old and die still madly in love with her."
"I fashioned Ryle after my father in many ways. They are handsome, compassionate, funny, and smart - but with moments of unforgivable behavior."
At the end of the book, on the Acknowledgments part she says this about her father - "You taught me so many things in life - the greatest being that we don't have to end up the same person we once were."
I think you can understand my love for this book. And obviously I recommend it so much.
Beware of the trigger warnings though, this is not an easy book to read.